What have I been doing over the past three days? I don't know. Like most of my life, it's a whirlwind of babies, chores, sleep, and a little TV. I am getting a little down on myself about this whole thing because I feel like most of my goals are just unattainable with my current schedule. I also, equally as much, feel that that's just an excuse and I need to make time for these things.
The one good thing I've done a lot this weekend is abdominal exercise. After talking to a friend on Thursday who has last an insane amount of weight in the past 6 months, I was tempted to push myself to do more leg lifts, which he said were the key to his success. So I came home on Thursday night, blogged, and then crunched and leg lifted like a boss. The result? The next day I was nearly immobile by midafternoon. My pelvis, my hips, my abdomen...it all felt like it had been hit with a hammer. But it was the affirming kind of pain, the kind of pain that makes you feel more alive, so I did crunches and leg lifts all darned weekend. Unlike running and workout videos and the gym, leg lifts and crunches are something that I can do while playing on the floor with my kids. It's stuff like that that makes it easier for me to fit my exercise in to my busy life.
On another note, I'm really really worried about my upcoming trip to see my family. I live a lot of my life worried that someone is going to accidentally think I'm pregnant because I'm still so heavy, and I'm going to have to tell them that it's just me being fat--not a baby bump. That terrifies me. My family can sometimes be a little overly blunt (both mom's side and dad's side), and a lot of them are fairly fit, so I'm just worried that I'm going to get side-eyed a fair amount. It doesn't help that Greg has lost so much weight and that my cousin (who is tiny) had a baby a month before me so the comparison of our postpartum weight loss (or lack there of) is, unfortunately, inevitable.
Also, I hate eating as a fat person. It means that when you're eating, you have to be constantly worried that other people are looking at you and judging. Even if other people are eating just as much because, after all, it's vacation and it's Thanksgiving, you know you're going to get judged for it tenfold. Maybe that's all in my head, but I hate having to feel that way. I'm going to try to not let it ruin my trip and my Thanksgiving though. I'm going to enjoy myself and set a few tangible goals that I can meet during a vacation week.
Oh...the one goal that I did hit was the "trying something new" goal. I took the boys to Picture People for their first little family photo shoot today. They were surprisingly well-behaved, but Brendan was kinda stingy with the smiles. Hopefully we got some good Christmas card shots, and hopefully my ugly mug isn't too unsightly to put into print.
Goals for next week:
-Workout (walk, workout video, etc) at least twice
-Do crunches or leg lifts every day
-Finally write SOMETHING in my novel
-Eat without feeling guilty about it
Let's be honest, that so called "tiny" cousin is a freak of nature. LOL. (Lucky her.) And she didn't have twins. I don't think anyone in their right mind would compare the two of you. I certainly wouldn't. And just so you know, I personally would never judge you while you're eating, especially during a time of year where enjoying lots of yummy foods is just par for the course. In fact, let's pig out on some pie together!! (And then we'll go back to our "sensible" diets, of course.)
ReplyDeleteOn the flip side, I think it's great that you're focusing on your health and getting back to a body that you feel comfortable in. Because that's what it's about: YOU and what makes you feel good.
I hope you will let some of the insecurities and all the wondering-what-everyone-else-is-thinking go (at least for now) and fully enjoy your Thanksgiving. Can't wait to see ya!! <3